A Humble Confession to Doyal Nitai

:pray: O Nitai! Who am I to cause the slightest pain, discomfort, or sadness to your beloved devotees? Is there any greater misuse of my free will than this? What a fool I am!

:pray: He Nitai! No matter how much I try to serve you or please you, everything is useless unless I learn to please your devotees and serve them wholeheartedly with utmost respect.

:pray: He Nitai! I think I aspire to attain your love. But if I were really serious then I would not maintain so much envy and hatred towards your devotees.

:pray: A Vaishnav is not supposed to give pain to any living entity. But I’m such a wretch that I dare to cause pain and inconvenience to the rarest and holiest Nitaibhakts.

:pray: My casual behavior towards your devotees shows how low is my regard and devotion for you Nitai.

:hibiscus: Narrotam das Thakhur says “Nitai pada sada karo ash”.. That is, 24*7 hanker for the attainment and service of Nitai’s lotus feet. I wish I could hanker like this for a single moment at least. But I have no time. I’m 24*7 engrossed in hankering for material pleasures and making unlimited plans for sense gratification and self-aggrandizement.

Nitai and Jiva – A Conversation Part 1

 

Nitai: Hey Jiva! How are you?
Jiva: Excuse me, do I know you?
Nitai: No you don’t. But I know you very well. I am your best friend.
Jiva: What! I don’t even know you. How can you be my best friend?
Nitai: I know you are flabbergasted but it is true. I love you unconditionally.
Jiva: Love! I don’t know what you are saying. It is all one-sided.
Nitai: Yes, I know it is one-sided. That is the problem.
Jiva: It doesn’t seem a problem to me. I am completely fine.
Nitai: No, you are not fine Jiva. I know you are not fine.
Jiva: I am completely fine and happy. What’s the matter with you?
Nitai: Your pain bothers me. To tell you the truth, it pains me as well.
Jiva: Are you crazy?
Nitai: Everyone says I am crazy. Maybe I am. But you are not less.
Jiva: What do you mean?
Nitai: I am crazy in the love of Godhead. But, you are crazy in the love of the illusory enchantress (Maya).
Jiva: What’s good about love of Godhead? And by the way, who is this illusory enchantress?
Nitai: There is nothing like love of Godhead. It is pure nectar. It is supremely blissful. It is what you are hankering for since time immemorial. It is your only need. It is your real want. The illusory enchantress is an energy of God which makes you think that you are God.
Jiva: Love of Godhead sounds a little interesting. Anyways why the enchantress makes me think that I am God?
Nitai: Because you wanted to become God. You didn’t want to serve Him. God, you could never become. So making you think that you are God is the best what God could do for you. He does that through the illusory enchantress.
Jiva: So you mean to say that I fell in love with the illusory enchantress because I chose not to love God?
Nitai: Exactly. This is the root cause of your suffering.
Jiva: How can you say I am suffering?
Nitai: I see it all the time. Your relationship breakups. Your nervous breakdowns. Your volatile health. Your risky wealth. Your work pressure. Your temporary pleasure. I see everything.
Jiva: You are talking as if you are God.
Nitai: As if?
Jiva: Yes. As if.
Nitai: (LOL)

Worthless disciple of Shrila Nitaipreshthji,
Nitaimani das